Despite the paperwork craziness (see Bill's post below), I am thrilled beyond belief for this adoption process. Knowing that our child sits at the end of this road and that every paper we sign, call we make, and interview we have with staff and social workers brings us closer to our dream of parenthood. This is an absolutely thrilling journey and for the first time in a long time, things feel right. I commented to Bill yesterday that I'm excited for the holidays for the first time in about four years. Really, truly happy and not feeling the heavy-heartedness that's greeted me for so many Christmases.
Suffice it to say, we've been through a lot in our quest to be parents. So I do have moments of anxiety -- what if the agency decides we AREN'T fit to be parents? After all we've been through in the last many years, it's hard not to expect the other shoe to drop. But when I'm thinking clearly and logically, I feel confident that the agency will recognize that we are ready to be parents, and to provide all the love in our hearts, patience, good judgement, and support to our child.
We have a lot to learn and to share with our family and friends and hopefully this forum will be a good place for that. We are so grateful to have so much love and support as we start this process.
I was remembering recently that when 2009 started, I was so bitter. Marred with anger and disappointment about our quest for parenthood and the many losses we had sustained to that point. I bid a very happy goodbye to 2008 and welcomed the new year with hope for strength and, of course, a baby. We went on to go through more turmoil and the roller coaster ride continued. But now, finally, at the end of 2009, we're on a new journey -- the right one -- and I suddenly feel that my hopes for this year are coming true. The path seems so clear to me now. And, as I've said all along, everything we've been through will make perfect sense when we hold our little one, the child we were meant to have all along.