Sunday, January 31, 2010


Things are moving -- and quickly! We had our first meeting this past Tuesday with our social worker, Rebecca. She is fantastic! She very quickly eased our minds, expressing that her role in the process is as advocate and support to us as we move forward. While she will still be in a position to evaluate our readiness, it seems that she is in a position to get us ready, not "turn us down" for adoption. (Which I think has been obvious to everyone around me, but given all we've been through in our parenthood journey, it's hard not to believe that we'll hit roadblocks...) We had a 2-hour conversation which flowed wonderfully -- it felt much more like a dialogue than an interview. She's coming over to our house tomorrow to meet again and, while here, will walk through our cozy home and meet with each of us one-on-one. She's actually condensing three interviews into one evening, which is fantastic! Then, Rebecca will write up the home study document, which we hope will express that Bill and I are approved and will be fabulous parents! :-)

Beyond that, we need to do a short online training, put together our photo book and a "dear birthmother" letter and then we'll be officially waiting! With domestic adoption, it's a matching process, so we will be put forth as a prospective adoptive family where our "qualifications" match the desires of the birthmom or birth family. Which means we could be matched in a few months or in a few years.

One question that Rebecca asked is how we'll handle the waiting. Honestly, the wait feels fine to me! I know that I may get itchy if/when we hit the year mark. But given the sometimes minute-to-minute, day-to-day anxieties of the fertility process (am I pregnant? am I still pregnant? will this cycle work? etc.), this wait just doesn't feel hard to me at all. And because this time, it's a matter of WHEN instead of IF. So exciting!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Unexpected Gift

Bill and I are back from our trip to California -- we had a great visit with friends and family and a lot of bonding with our niece and nephew. I miss them terribly already! The good news is that we have our first interview with our social worker on Tuesday, January 26 -- yay! I am so thrilled to be moving forward.

We started contemplating adoption in the midst of our fertility struggle, and then seriously last March, but it wasn't until fall 2009 that we really started moving forward with our plans to adopt. And now, just a few months later, it feels so completely amazing. For the first time our journey toward parenthood feels "right."

And I think what's really on my mind most these days is what a gift adoption is for me in ways I never expected. A gift in all the ways I feel I am growing and learning about myself and the world around me as I look at life through the new lens of adoptive parent and through the eyes of our someday child. As I think in very deep ways about race and what it will mean to likely raise a child who not only doesn't share our ethnic heritage but may also likely be subjected to others' racism. I'm thinking about our child's birth parents, who will have selflessly given their child to us to raise, which will be an enormous loss for them and for my child. I'm thinking about how we will incorporate our child's birth family into our lives and that it will be what's best for our child, but may at times be challenging emotionally. I'm preparing for the first time my child tells me that I'll "never really understand" them because I am white and was raised by my biological parents. It's all hard to think about on one level, and on another, it's completely invigorating. I love being stretched in this way and thinking about how Bill and I can provide not just all our love to our child, but also support and connections and an open and trusting relationship that will ensure that we tackle the hard stuff together, as a family. Somehow, I feel more ready for this than for all the 3:00 AM feedings that await us...

For Christmas this year, we gave a book, "Adoption is a Family Affair," to all our immediate family members. It's a great book (though perhaps a little harsh in tone) and a good primer for us to all be on the same page as we welcome our child into our family. Some of our family and friends have already read it, which means the world to me -- that we're all together thinking already about what this child may need and what makes raising an adopted child different from raising a biological child. I recommend it and look forward to my continued thinking and having deep discussions with so many family and friends as we continue down this road... It's all helping me to grow and getting me ready to be a mommy...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Another step forward

Good news today! We heard today from the Barker Foundation that they have received all of our paperwork and assigned us a social worker. The next step for us is to schedule our appointments/interviews with the social worker. After the four interviews the social worker will write up a report that hopefully approves us. At that point we need to put together something of a scrapbook (more like a photo album with words) about Julie and I that will be put in front of birth parents. Then it is up to the birth parents to choose. Could be a couple of months or closer to two years but it will happen. Exciting!