The Letter

I have been meaning to sit down and put some thoughts together for weeks now, but this new life is busy and exhausting, though in the most fantastic ways. I have started a few musings, but get pulled away either by Lianne's needs or my own (or the dishes or laundry that seem to pile up every time my back is turned). We had a fantastic visit this week from my sister-in-law, Heather, which was just fabulous.

The first big update is that we have a court date! We travel to Texas at the end of the month and will finalize Lia's adoption on August 26 at 8:30 AM. After that, I can finally change my blog post name from "Future Mommy" to just "Mommy!"

What a miracle this has all been. Sometimes in those quiet moments, as she falls asleep in my arms, I am overcome with gratitude and love and awe. Just when I thought we'd never be parents, we were swept away on a plane to Lubbock to unite with this amazing child, who makes us a family. There are still moments when I find it all hard to believe -- that she is here and I'm finally a parent.

And, yet, I am also often thinking in quiet moments about another mama out there who made this incredibly hard decision for this girl, who is out there wondering how she is and where she is and whether we are doing right by her.

I've been meaning for a month to sit down and write our first letter to Lia's birth mama and I just don't know where to start. I'm getting hung up in the details, feeling that I need to find just the right stationary on which to write this letter. A typed letter would be faster, but impersonal, and a letter on legal paper wouldn't feel important enough. Then I get stuck on how to start the letter -- Dear Lia's Mom? To our daughter's first mother? And then I have a hard time figuring out what to say and how. There is so much to share:

• How we chose her name, including her middle name, which was that also chosen by her birth mom.
• How much Lia has grown -- she was 9 lbs, 12.6 oz and 23 inches long as of Monday's two-month appointment!
• How she is developing so quickly and in the most amazing ways, smiling, "talking" interacting with her toys and with us.

But, most of all, how do I tell this woman how profoundly grateful I am for the opportunity to raise this amazing girl? How her decision on behalf of her daughter has changed my life in incredible ways and gave me the the gift of motherhood that I longed for for so long? How Bill and I love her as deeply as we have ever loved anyone in our lives? How we will do everything we can to raise her in a way that she would be proud? It's all a lot to say and hard and emotional. But it's something I need to do for me, and for her, and for our daughter.

So if you know where I can get lovely writing paper, please let me know!