My little angel

I know I've long been absent from this blog. I haven't recently felt like I had anything to add to Julie's excellent posts and, true to form, I think she has done a great job telling the story of how Lianne came into out lives. But now I feel like writing a bit about how it feels to become a father. More than anything else I write this so Lianne can read this and know how much she means to me already.

In just three short weeks this little girl has brought me (and us) such joy and happiness. It is a little amazing to me that this little person could have such an effect - I find it hard to not hold her constantly even, or maybe especially, when she is sleeping (she looks like a little angel). But my absolute favorite times so far have been cradling her in the (very) early morning. It is during this time, post-feeding, when she is calm and will just look at me and smile. Yes, I know it is not really a smile but I'm gonna go ahead and take it as such because that is my prerogative as a father. I think I especially treasure these moments because I know that very soon she'll be constantly moving.

Even knowing what to expect, I wasn't fully prepared for any of being a parent. The joy, the exhaustion, the moments of terror (is she breathing?)... As someone who is pretty dependent upon getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, I think I have adjusted pretty well to getting a lot less than that though it helps that I can sleep through just about anything (earthquake proof up to a 5.0). I also wasn't prepared for the emotional ups and downs - I mean as worried as her perceived lack of breathing or even her poop (sorry Lianne) can make me, I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel the first time she drives off in a car alone or goes on a date. I think I need to start really developing good relationships with the folks in charge of the Reaper program (surveillance and strike capability - what more could you ask for?). And of course I am so looking forward to all the milestones - first word, first steps, etc. as well as being able to share things with her that I love to do like reading, music (already getting her listening to the greatest radio station in the country - KFOG), working in the garden (yeah I know this one is a long shot) and photography. So much to look forward to and more to come...