Thursday, June 16, 2011

My little angel

I know I've long been absent from this blog. I haven't recently felt like I had anything to add to Julie's excellent posts and, true to form, I think she has done a great job telling the story of how Lianne came into out lives. But now I feel like writing a bit about how it feels to become a father. More than anything else I write this so Lianne can read this and know how much she means to me already.

In just three short weeks this little girl has brought me (and us) such joy and happiness. It is a little amazing to me that this little person could have such an effect - I find it hard to not hold her constantly even, or maybe especially, when she is sleeping (she looks like a little angel). But my absolute favorite times so far have been cradling her in the (very) early morning. It is during this time, post-feeding, when she is calm and will just look at me and smile. Yes, I know it is not really a smile but I'm gonna go ahead and take it as such because that is my prerogative as a father. I think I especially treasure these moments because I know that very soon she'll be constantly moving.

Even knowing what to expect, I wasn't fully prepared for any of being a parent. The joy, the exhaustion, the moments of terror (is she breathing?)... As someone who is pretty dependent upon getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, I think I have adjusted pretty well to getting a lot less than that though it helps that I can sleep through just about anything (earthquake proof up to a 5.0). I also wasn't prepared for the emotional ups and downs - I mean as worried as her perceived lack of breathing or even her poop (sorry Lianne) can make me, I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel the first time she drives off in a car alone or goes on a date. I think I need to start really developing good relationships with the folks in charge of the Reaper program (surveillance and strike capability - what more could you ask for?). And of course I am so looking forward to all the milestones - first word, first steps, etc. as well as being able to share things with her that I love to do like reading, music (already getting her listening to the greatest radio station in the country - KFOG), working in the garden (yeah I know this one is a long shot) and photography. So much to look forward to and more to come...


  1. John and I are so happy for you. What amazing parents the two of you will be! - Amy & John Gaerlan

  2. Welcome to a lifetime of worrying!!! And the firsts don't stop, you will celebrate everything with her, even her first throw up, the first E.R. trip, the first time she casts you the stink eye, all of it. And I know you will enjoy and cherish every single moment with her. We are so very happy for you and Julie, there are no words to describe it. Have you already forgotten what life was like pre-kiddo? It's funny how kids have a way of doing that.

  3. It is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. It is the greatest responsibility (if you do it right), but the most terrifying. Welcome to never having 100% peace of mind ever again. Even when Lianne is 30, and trust me- it comes before you know it- you will STILL be worrying about her!!!! It's the price we pay for all the incredible joy, pride, love and tenderness we get from our children. I know you are going to do GREAT! I have never had a doubt. With all the kindness, compassion, loyalty and caring qualities that you, and Julie have, there is no way you can't be amazing parents to that precious baby girl. And when she drives you crazy, AND SHE WILL, you'll just realize that anything that miraculous and amazing, is completely worth it. Enjoy every second of it. You will not believe how fast it will go by. "Daddy's little girl" is not just a cliche. And I wish you the most special and memorable Father's Day ever!