Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

How is he? How is she? Is her heart soaring from her first Mother's Day as a mom? Does she celebrate Mother's Day at all, or is that not something that the Thai community here does? Does she ever think about how close she came to deciding not to be a mother to him? Will he ever know? Does she look at him every day and feel grateful that she made this decision? Is she happy? Is he well cared for? Is it more comforting for him to smell the smells of Thai cooking and hear Thai spoken all around him, as he did in her womb? Is he spoiled? Is he healthy? Will he ever know that some white woman about 10 miles away thinks about him and loves him all the time? That she has stopped mourning his loss on the day to day, but that on THIS day, it's impossible not to have an ache in her heart so painful that she can't bring herself to even think of it.

She can only keep on living if she believes that there will be another and this other will be the one that was meant to be. Because if she loses all hope, what will be left of her?


  1. Hugs Julie. Thinking of you!

  2. Nothing to say, but I LOVE the way you write and pour your heart out. I totally totally get it, my friend.

  3. I was thinking about you this weekend. Thanks for sharing with us what is on your mind. Sending you a hug. - Colleen