The last month has been hard with this wait. While I have doted on Lia in every possible way -- giving her endless love and affection, reading her books, singing to her and dancing with her, holding her tight -- I'd be lying if I said I haven't had a curtain (albeit sheer) up while we awaited this news. After everything we've been through, it's impossible not to feel like we are cursed and that this path to parenthood might also be thwarted. So I know that I've operated on more reserve than I would ever want to, just to keep my heart from breaking if her biological father decided he wanted to be her parent.
And while I, of course, didn't want that to happen, I felt selfish even thinking it. Because while Lia's birth dad staying out of the picture is easier for us, it isn't necessarily easier for her. She loses a link to her biological story, and her origin story, and her family history. Sure, I know that we'll provide her with as wonderful a life as we can -- full of as many rich opportunities as we can make possible and as much love as two people (plus an enormous extended family of relatives and friends) could ever give to a person. But how do I know that her biological father couldn't have given her all that and more?
So while I'm relieved beyond words that we have gotten past this "hurdle," I simultaneously grieve for what my daughter won't have in knowing her birth father. And I pledge to always do my best to support her in finding out what she can about both of her first parents. A day doesn't go by that I am not grateful to them for making this profound decision for Lia and giving us the opportunity to be a mom and a dad.
I love you forever, Lia.
